Some days I don't even think about what happened in March. I don't think about the loss and the part of me that just hasn't quite healed yet. Then there are days like today, Mother's Day, which I have been nervous about. I know some people don't think that this would be a hard today for me as I never even got to hold my child but it reminds me of what I almost had and what I lost.
I woke up this morning and went to church with my family. Troy went to brunch with his family. This is the first holiday we have celebrated apart. When we got to Subway after church I got a phone call from Troy. Deby is pregnant. He was so overjoyed on the phone. My reaction was not what he was expecting. I merely said "oh ok, I have to go I am ordering." and that was it. Moments later the tears welled up in my eyes.
I want to be happy for her. I want to be over joyed for the neice or nephew that I am going to have. My first reaction is tears. And soley for selfish reasons. I am happy for her. I am happy for our family. I am happy. But can everyone understand that I need 2 minutes to be sad!
Some days good... some days bad...
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