20 Weeks - Half Way!

Size of baby: banana from head to foot


Total Weight Gain: +4

Continuing symptoms: sleepy, otherwise feeling great!

New symptoms this week: None

Sleep: Hard to sleep with the belly getting bigger and in the way and making me pee at least 1 every night.

What I'm Eating: ton of Propel flavored water, hot cheetos, pasta salad, sour candy

Cravings: pasta salad, Trumoo chocolate milk

Grandma gift this week: I love Mommy feet PJs, I love Daddy outfit, 2 matching pants, socks, and newborn shoes

Special pregnancy moments: celebrated Christmas and baby got her crib from Grandma and Grandpa H. Had our anatomy scan ultrasound (which took 1 1/2 hours) and got to see baby on the big screen. Got to hear the heart beat and see it on the screen. Beating strong at 144 beats per minute. Grandma H went with us to the ultrasound and got to hear the heart beat for the first time. Went to a pre-natal appointment and the results of the ultrasound were great. Baby is developing normally and looks healthy. And we double confirmed we are having a girl!

Crib Is Up!

After our ultrasound on Tuesday which double confirmed that we are having a baby girl and after my doctor's appointment that confirmed everything looks good and she looks healthy it was finally time to put up Baby's crib.

Thanks Grandma and Grandpa for the crib for Christmas!

Baby on The Movie Screen

It never gets old seeing my little baby on the screen. On Tuesday we had our anatomy scan ultrasound which basically means a really long ultrasound where they are checking and measuring every part of the body from the head to the nose and lips to the kidneys and liver. For the most part it was pretty boring because you can't tell what the heck you are looking at. Mom and Troy went with me. Mom got to hear the heart beat for the first time from the ultrasound machine and watch it at the same time. Heart beat was 144 beats per minute.

Baby girl with her hands up by her chin.

We got to confirm that our little bean in my belly is a baby girl. We kind of already knew this from my 14 week ultrasound I got at some random clinic in Costa Mesa but it was nice to hear the confirmation since she is bigger and more fully developed now.

This is supposed to be the gender shot... I don't see anything...

I was on the table for an hour and half while the technician kept going back and forth. She was trying to get some shot of the heart and the baby and/or I would not cooperate so she made me go to the bathroom twice, walk around the room, lay on my side and cough. It was quite a sight to be seen.

Today I have my next OB appointment and I am eager to hear that I have finally gained some weight (shocking and almost too difficult to even write) and to see if he has the results of the ultrasound yet. Ultrasounds usually are calming for me so I can see the baby move, see the heart beat and know that everything is going as planned. With this ultrasound I am a little more worried. What if the ultrasound revealed that something is wrong with her? What if her legs are too short, she has club feet, clef lip, her heart is enlarged or her brain is not developing on schedule? I suppose I will never be reassured until I finally get to hold her in my arms and count her fingers and toes myself. Speaking of toes... 

See the 2 feet with the freakishly long toes?

Maybe she has flat feet like her father. Maybe she will have tiny feet with high arches like me. I can't wait to hold her.

Grandma and Grandpa got her a crib for Christmas. We haven't put it up yet.  We still need to get a mattress and empty the room since we used it as our storage room to make room for Christmas. We are trying to decide on other furniture and where everything is going to go and fit in the room. So much planning to do. It makes me giddy inside!

20 weeks and half way cooked tomorrow. Can't wait to see what she gets as her Grandma gift tomorrow.

19 Weeks

Size of baby: large tomato

Total Weight Gain: not sure but I probably gained 10 pounds since the last appointment. I feel huge now and I have so much further to go.

Continuing symptoms: feeling good and energized. morning sickness all gone thank goodness!

New symptoms this week: feeling my belly stretch and getting out of breath faster. yawning is starting to hurt and put pressure on the belly


Sleep: back to my normal toss and turning. contimplating if I should use the sleep aid Dr. Clayton suggested.

What I'm Eating: ton of Propel flavored water and Truemoo chocolate milk

Cravings: Truemoo!!

Grandma gift this week: Avent baby bottles, binkies, nipples, milk storage stoppers for bottles, and bottle brush

Special pregnancy moments: Today for the first time I think I felt the baby moving.

18 Weeks

Size of baby: bell pepper

Total Weight Gain: Not sure exactly. Avoiding the scale but my belly is definitely becoming more defined.

Continuing symptoms: sleepy, otherwise feeling great!

New symptoms this week: Feeling full and then bam! STARVING and must eat within the next 5 minutes! And very vivid dreams. Some that are fun, some down right scary. I wake up having to convince myself they are not real. Charlie is still in bed with me. His original owners did not try to take him from me. Bizarre.

Sleep: Waking up in the middle of the night to toss and turn. Drinking less before bed so less night time pee'ing.

What I'm Eating: ton of Propel flavored water

Cravings: Hot Cheetos

Grandma gift this week: Safety 1st Childproofing kit and cabinet locks

Special pregnancy moments: Nothing major happened this week. Christmas shopping and thinking of all the new family traditions I will have in my own family with my husband and my daughter. Grandma bought baby's crib and it should arrive around Christmas.

Cravings

My very first pregnancy craving was pizza. Troy and I were sitting on the couch and at about 9:30 at night I decided I was dying for some pizza. I quickly pulled out my phone and sent in an order online. The next day the husband took the left overs to work for lunch, much to my dismay and disappointment the next morning. With my craving not completely satisfied I went to work thinking of pizza all day. On my way home from work before getting on the freeway I put in another order for pizza online on my phone. About 8 minutes after I arrived at home so did my pizza! Now, I don't even want to smell pizza. Go figure!

Last night my craving was egg salad sandwiches. No eggs in the house so I suffered through a quick peanut butter and jelly before school and called Troy to explain my woes. When I got home from school Troy had already swung by the grocery store to get a fresh batch of eggs and bread and had egg salad chillin in the fridge for me.

I love my husband!

16 Weeks

Size of baby: avocado

Total Weight Gain: no weight gain still. Dr. said on Monday that I am a healthy woman and he doesn't have concerns at this point because I didn't start out at 95 lbs. and I am not from the inner-city. Feel rounder though.

Continuing symptoms: feeling yucky after taking pre-natal vitamin, sleepy.

New symptoms this week: hard to sleep on my back and side. My bed has a dip where I lay and I tend to lay about 1/4 of thew an the belly. Totally uncomfortable now. Also, new night heat (not actually sweating but just all over hot in the middle of winter).

Sleep: Getting more difficult to get comfortable. Once asleep doing pretty well. Cut down drinking water before bed, cut down mid-night peeing.

What I'm Eating: ton of Propel flavored water, Hot Cheetos

Cravings: Hot Cheetos

Grandma gift this week: Baby rice, padded spoons, formula divider, I love Grandma and I love Grandpa bibs.

Special pregnancy moments: Set up next ultrasound appt. for December 27th. Continuing to write in my baby journal. Getting excited as I see my belly get rounder.

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

Today our relationship has grown to a new level. I have heard about this symptom but was hoping it wasn't going to occur to me in the near future. I was wrong.

Today I sneezed and I peed my pants a little bit. Oh yes. I peed myself.

Thanks for the reminder that you are in charge.

Love,
Mommy

15 Weeks

Size of baby: red apple

Total Weight Gain: Haven't weighed myself but will find out on Monday at my next pre-natal appointment
Continuing symptoms: mild cramps off and on, feeling yucky after taking pre-natal vitamin, sleepy

New symptoms this week: frequently having to pee 5 minutes after drinking something cold, stomach is getting hard

Sleep: Going to bed early, waking up early. Not needing as much sleep and feeling more energetic from the last 14 weeks

What I'm Eating: Salad, Dennys and McDonalds pancakes, drinking a ton of Propel flavored water

Cravings: None.

Grandma gift this week: pink and brown stroller/carseat sack blanket, and baby's first doll

Special pregnancy moments:  Doing an early ultrasound which told us we are having a baby girl, a daughter. Next OB appt on Monday and hopefully get to schedule my confirming ultrasound for around 18 weeks.

And the baby is a....

GIRL!!

According to the ultrasound we got last Saturday on from Ultrasound Services in Costa Mesa they confirmed that baby is a girl!

I was so sure it was a boy. I had a boy name picked out, new what I wanted to do with his nursery, already looked into the boy products out there.... only to find out its a girl.

Troy and I have picked out a name but we are taking Marisa's lead and not telling anyone what it is. At the time, I thought Marisa was crazy. Now, I think it was such a good idea. I have heard everyone's opinions on what we should name our daughter. Demands to have her middle name Sue and ideas to incorporate Sue without it being her middle name (Suzanna Melissa). So now we are telling everyone he have a named picked out and they will find out after she is born.

Dear Baby:

Dear Baby,

I thought the barfing phase of our time together was finally over (after the horrible display I put on during our flight to Kansas City) now that I am 14 weeks tomorrow. But alas, today during lunch I got the urge and to the bathroom I ran. Oh boy. I must mention though that each time I have become sick no one else has been in the bathroom to listen to me hacking away.

Love,
Your Mommy

13 Weeks

Size of baby: medium shrimp

Size of baby daddy style: size of an espresso cup


Total Weight Gain: ? I try not to weigh myself. At my last pre-natal appointment I was given the "you lost weight, what is going on?" speech. The nausea killed me the first 10 weeks.

Continuing symptoms: mild cramps off and on, feeling yucky after taking pre-natal vitamin, sleepy and frequent headaches.

New symptoms this week: belly feeling heavier. Went shopping with Amy last night at K-Mart and my belly knocked over a row of toys... premonition of things to come I guess.

Sleep: Can't get enough. I got to bed early and usually wake up around 1:00-2:00 am to go to the bathroom. Waking up is hard since I am so comfy and could always use another couple of hours.

What I'm Eating: Cuties (oranges), apples, drinking a ton of Propel flavored water.
Cravings: None.

Grandma gift this week: green with white polka dot blanket with zoo animals and 2 white crib sheets.

Special pregnancy moments: Writing in the journal to my baby for the first time. It was a couple of pages long. Once I got started it just flowed right through my pen.
** Photo of Week 13 to be added later.

Ok, it feels real now!

Yesterday we went in for our second pre-natal appointment. I am so thankful Troy only works 4 days so that I can schedule doctors appointments on his day off. The appointment was super quick. Pee in a cup, get weighed, get my blood pressure checked, wait for the doctor, and become so thankful the nurse didn't tell me to undress!!

We chatted for a few minutes, asked if I had any questions (which of course after walking out of the office I remember 2 questions about meds!), and then he said lets make this appointment worth it and see if we can find a heart beat.

I layed back on the table and he got the doppler out. The anticipation was rising as I have been reading that some women are not able to hear the heart beat at 10 weeks. The Dr. immediately found the heart beat and we got to listen to it for a minute. It was breath taking. Dr. said it sounded good and that we have a soccer player on our hands.

It was the best anniversary present I could have ever asked for ~ Happy 2 year anniversary Bubba!! After the appointment we went to Triangle Square and hit up their happy hour. We got 3 appetizers and a 1/2 priced BBQ Chicken Pizza for only $23!! It was delicious and a perfect celebration for our anniversary and hearing our baby today.

Since I am truly a home body and an old soul we decided to go to Target and get some ice cream and a new movie so we could go home and cuddle in the comfort of our PJs. No big celebration... it was just right... it was so us!

Now I can rub my belly and really feel reassured that I am talking to our baby. Love at first sound!

My Mommy Pregnancy Journal

Troy had given me a Mommy Pregnancy Journal for my birthday this year when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I didn't write in it at the time just because I was only 6 weeks and I wanted to be a little more sure of things before I started memorializing anything. Three days later I was bleeding and it was all over.

Now I am pregnant again and I am 9w5d. I keep looking at the Mommy Journal on my night stand hoping to have the courage to write to my little one but haven't found the strength just yet. In 3 weeks my first trimester will be over and I haven't written a single word in it yet. I have things I want to say but am too afraid that this pregnancy will end like the other 2 and it will be all for not.

When will this really feel real to me? The nausea is real and taking the Progetrium and pre-natals which make me ill is real but the actual feeling of having a baby growing inside me still feels like a dream.

My mom has been giving the baby a gift every week since I was 5 weeks. Baby has gotten bibs, wash clothes, baby bible books, sippy cups, teething ring and other odds and ends that are gender neutral. She is very excited!

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Ever feel like you haven't had a full good day in a long time? Well that is what I have been feeling lately. Who knew that the first trimester would suck so badly. The good thing is that everything is "normal" and the sickness that I am feeling is nothing out of the ordinary. The sucky part is that it is normal and feeling like this comes with the package.

I have an aversion to pills now. Taking the extra progesterone 2x daily, Metformin and my pre-natal vitamin the moment that the pills hit my mouth I gag. Great. After the first trimester I will get to eliminate the Metformin and (hopefully) eliminate the extra progesterone.

Over the weekend I broke down. I was hungry but didn't want to eat. Nothing sounded good and the fear of the pain I would be in after I ate was greater than my desire to eat. I can't wait until this is all over and I can eat a hunkin' steak without distress.

Also, a bonus for early pregnancy is constipation. I know, not the loveliest topic, but honestly I can't wait to take one big huge dump. To think that I complained of my daily diarrhea episodes when I first started Metformin to now where I rejoice at the sign of a bowel movement.

Water retention is setting in and my rings are getting a bit too tight for comfort. Need to find a band to replace it for the next 7 months.

Next pre-natal appointment is on our 2 year wedding anniversary. The hubs better take me out for a nice dinner (pending I don't feel like vomiting the entire time).

He has been great. He has been doing laundry and doing the heavy lifting. He is willing to run out and get what ever I need when I finally decide its time to eat without complaining. Where would I be without him? How do these girls on 16 and Pregnant do this on their own?

I am looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. Right now I just feel fat and frumpy and can't wait until the morning sickness subsides and the bump is revealed. I need justification for the fatness.

Heartbeat

Yesterday morning I got a message from my OB say that my hcg grew very quickly and my progesterone levels were elevated and to do another ultrasound this week. Of course panic set in and I immediately made an appointment for an ultrasound that same day. I figured it was a good idea since I was going in to see the doctor that day anyway and he could see the report before hand.

Troy and I got to the ultrasound place, somewhere where I am now frequenting along with Quest Diagnostics, and waited until we could be seen. The worst part... filling your bladder with 32 oz of water and waiting what seemed like forever for the exam to start. Seriously the worst part of the whole thing.

Up there on the screen there was a lot of black and white wishy washy stuff that you couldn't really make out and then all of a sudden she zoomed in on the pregnancy sack and in there you could see a little baby (that looked like a sea monkey) with a little flicker. She measured the heart beat and it was 118 beats per minute.

Relief!

Our first prenatal appointment went well. I had a pap (yuck!) and he listened to my heart, checked my breasts for lumps and made sure I was in good health. He ordered another round of blood work and off I went.

Troy was especially glad to hear that it was ok for me to travel so we are officially back on to going to Kansas City at the end of October.

All in all it was a lot of worries and fears for nothing. Everything appears to be perfectly normal and I am due on May 18th.

Baby In My Belly

Today I could not shake the feeling of something being a little off or maybe I was just overly tired (from staying up to 11:00 pm last night to watch Greys Anatomy - obsessed!!).

Yesterday I got my weekly blood drawn for my 3rd beta count and today I have been nervous and just a little down. Being the impatient person that I am, I called Quest Diagnostic to see if my labs results were ready and asked them to send them to my Dr. asap. They did and I called my Dr.'s office shortly thereafter and got the results.

I am finally letting myself get really excited. My hcg level "rose beautifully" as the Dr.'s office put it, from 2,679 last week to 23,732 yesterday.

First prenatal doctor's appointment on Monday. Troy will get to meet the doctor (although I swear he already did but I've been so many times, who knows??) and then hopefully we will get another order to get an ultrasound so we can see our little bean in my belly.

When I was feeling down and I text my husband he said the sweetest thing ever to me...
What ever the devil is making you think, just remember that God put a baby in your belly.

Morning Sickness or Terrible Prenatal Pill?

Yesterday I had a late breakfast because I haven't been really having a big appetite so I delayed taking my Metformin, pre-natal pill, and my progesterone supplement. I took them about 11:30 and then decided to have lunch at 12:00.

I am half way through lunch and all of a sudden get the urge... you know the kind. The urge to vomit instantaneously! I quickly get up from the lunch table to make my way out of the office. I get to the elevators and start to dry heave. Oh please God let me at least get to the bathroom. I don't want to puke out here. I barely make it into the bathroom and into a stall when blaaaaaaaaaah. Up came my PB&J, chips, nectarine and whatever else I had eaten that day. Gross. I threw up the first time with the stall door wide open. Then in between I had the chance to close the door and lock it behind me.

Gross.

Oh dear baby, please do not tell me that you will be doing this to me for the next 6 weeks or even worse for the next 34 weeks. Hopefully it was just pre-natal pill.

Labs again today. Results tomorrow. Hopefully the numbers are rising and everything is progressing for a normal and healthy pregnancy.

Ultrasound #1

It was a successful day but not everything I hoped and dreamed. We did get to see all my lady parts up on the screen (my ovaries, uterus, full bladder, etc.) and we got to see the pregnancy sac. Unfortunately it was too early to see any sign of a baby. We should see a fetal pole by our next visit, or so the tech says...

Of course my worries run way ahead of the tech talking and I start thinking that maybe it is an empty sac. Maybe we didn't see a baby because there isn't one. Maybe next time there will be no growth and still no sign of a fetal pole.

On the positive side we did get to see the pregnancy and everything looks as normal as to be expected. Troy was even brave and awesome enough to ask the tech for picture. She looked confused and asked if we wanted a pic of just the sac and he said yea. Even though we couldn't see our baby today this was still a huge milestone. We have not been this far yet and even though we can't see him/her hopefully she is hiding in that picture.

The "Golden" Pills

The Dr. wanted to put me on a Progesterone supplement 2x a day until I am 12 weeks. The office faxed over the order to my pharmacy and all I had to do was go and get it.

Then I went up to the pick up counter at the pharmacy to pick up Prometrium 200mg pills and this is what she told me:

Needless to say I was a little shocked and nearly fell over when the pharmacy tech told me this. I called my husband and told him the news and we agreed that we have to do whatever it takes to make sure we do everything possible for a healthy pregnancy. So I handed over my debit card and cringed as she ran it.

So now we have termed these pills the "golden" pills.

Still praying daily that this is the child God intended for us and that I will have a healthy full term pregnancy.

Numbers Are Rising!

So I got my blood drawn again yesterday to make sure my numbers continued to rise and they are!! Monday my hcg was 533. Yesterday's numbers were 2679!!

This is possibly one of the best things I have heard all year! Dr.'s office also told me that I need to take a progesterone supplement until I am 12 weeks and continue getting my blood drawn to monitor.

And the Dr. wants me to get an ultrasound for size and weeks. I think they want one so early since I have had previous miscarriages. Either way I called right away and I have an u/s appointment on Monday so that my DH can go with me.

Is this really happening? Am I really going to see my baby for the first time in 3 days?

Please God, let this baby be the one you have chosen for us and let this one stick.

Maybe I Know God's Reasons

Maybe I have figured out God's reason as to why I lost two babies. First of all, after completing my paralegal degree I am planning to go on and get my Bachelors in Consumer and Family Studies with an emphasis on Family Planning. Maybe God wanted me to have an abundance of life experience before going into this field. If I had a super smooth beginning and birth would I be able to relate to women I possibly might be working with in the future?

My sister in law announced she was pregnant on Mother's Day this year. Sadly at 8 weeks she discovered through u/s that it was not in the uterus and had to go in for a DNC. She opened up about her experience and I think I was able to comfort her in a way that no one else could because I understood from experience the grief and guilt you feel with a loss of a baby. I had just had my 2nd m/c about 3 weeks before her loss. My heart freshly knew the pain that she was going through.

Maybe God wanted me to know the grief and the joy of babies. My two first babies were lessons and the best part is that they are in heaven right now watching me try to become the best mother I can be.

It is a hallelujah moment!

Got my blood drawn yesterday to confirm the pregnancy and to make sure my levels look good. I left work early to get to the lab early and because I was just anxious. Today I waited all day to get a call from the Dr. or at least get my lab results through email but nothing. By 1:00 pm I couldn't take it anymore. I called the office to confirm if they had been received. I left a message for the Dr. and I continued to wait.

Of course, as I started class I get a phone call which I can't answer and he leaves a voicemail. All class I am looking at the clock waiting to be dismissed or at least a break so I could hear either my good or my bad news.

Class was dismissed and as I was walking to the car I listed to my voicemail and had a hallelujah moment. Blood counts look good, HCG levels are good, progesterone levels were good. Need to come back in about a week to re-test to make sure the are increasing and then after that schedule an ultrasound.

I CAN'T WAIT!!

I just have a really good feeling about this one. I feel like the first 2 pregnancies were both blessing and boy did I learn a lot from them but I just have a feeling that this one is going to be successful and in about 8 months I am going to bring a bundle of joy home... or maybe 2 :)  I keep kidding with DH that we are having twins.

OMG I AM PREGNANT!

Should I be excited?

Today I got positive results on my pregnancy test. I am 4w3ds. Part of me wants to jump for joy and the other part of me is so leery of the disappointment that could be in a couple of weeks.

I called Dr. Clayton's office this morning and got a 6 week appointment. Dr. Clayton called me this morning to tell me to stay off my feet, no ex cerise, and no sex. I am to immediately get labs done to test my beta count and progesterone levels. I am sure glad that they are doing these tests so early so that if my body sucks at making its own progesterone (since lets be real - it sucks at making the rest of my hormones) the Dr. will prescribe me so extra supplements to keep the bean going inside of me.

I am in shock.

On a side note. I thought it was hilarious that the Dr. asked me if with my lab test if I wanted an aids test. Thanks but no thanks. I will pass. LOL

My life is a zoo

This week is the 3rd week of school and if I follow my plan closely I will be done with my AA and Paralegal Studies degree by the end of next fall. A tiny glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel.

Last weekend we were asked to watch nephew Aidan and of course we obliged. So what do you do with a 3 year old on a hot Sunday? TV only takes you so far and then there is the ZOO!! Now I would die to go to the San Diego Zoo however it is quite expensive and very far away so we had to compromise with the Santa Ana Zoo.

Step 1: Go online and get coupon for entrance fees to the Santa Ana Zoo. Thank you Cal Choice for my coupon and kids get in free!

Step 2: Zoo is entertaining but we need a co-entertainer. Enter God-son Vincent. Pick up Vincent who is 5 so they can play together.

Step 3: Get the kids and sunscreen packed up and head to the zoo.

Step 4: Guess on the directions and drive straight to the zoo thank goodness!

This zoo should be called the Santa Ana Monkey Zoo because the majority of the animals there are monkeys. They do have about two dozen other types of animals but doesn't even compare to the San Diego Zoo.  The boys had a lot of fun looking at all the animals and were even more excited when they saw the camel rides.

They were being explorers in the jeep. They got to go into a hut and see nasty bugs up close and see what a camp would look like for a real life safari explorer.

Of course Auntie Sema takes the opportunity to teach while having fun....

This is a hat with a bug net so the mosquitoes can't bite you.



Vincent modeling his jungle helmet.

Heather and Joe did eventually joined Aidan, Vincent, Uncle Boobers/Troy and Auntie Sema/Melissa while the boys were eating lunch. They split a kids hamburger meal and spent about 1/2 hour playing on the playground. It was a nice relief to sit in the shade and have them run out some of their energy.

Once we got going again we went to visit the farm animals. They had 2 pig, 1 mini horse, 1 cow, and a pen of goats. Uncle Boobers and Joe had some quarters so they bought the boys some goat food and they got to feed them!

  

While I was busy taking pictures Aidan thought it would be a great idea to grab goat Amelia's horns and she got pissed! She slammed her horns against the fence in protest and thankfully didn't smash Aidan's fingers. We started to walk around the pen to find a new goat to feed but Amelia followed and continued to slam her head on the fence. Time to go kids. I don't need any smashed fingers and explanations to your moms.

Best babysitting idea... bring another kid!

We told the boys that if they were good that we would take them on the camel ride before we left. Nothing like a little bribe for good behavior, especially when the ride costs $5 a person!

WARNING: These are embarrassing photos and are being posted only to show the kids having fun on a camel... Please disregard the size of my ass in these pictures. Just so you know I was smushed between a camel hump with a metal bar in my back while trying to share a seat with Aida. 

Loaded and ready to go.

Half way done with our 60 second ride.

Here is my butt in all its glory...

We had an awesome day and it was truly exhausting. It was hot and herding two young boys took all the energy out of Troy and I. We are blessed to have our family so close that we can be babysitters and on a spir of the moment pick up the kids and go on an adventure. 

I can't wait to have my own little ones. AF was expected yesterday and still has not arrived. Dare I say perhaps this will be the month for a +PT? If not, back to another round of Clomid. Ugh, more hot flashes and mood swings. Trying to stay positive and be more aware of all my life's blessings. 

DIY for Christmas

I know it is only September 1st and it is terrible to even consider Christmas but I frequent  Michaels and they already have the Christmas supplies and decorations starting to hit the shelves. I told the clerk that we should be able to get through the first day of school and maybe even Halloween before Christmas but she said crafters have to start early.

In the mail I receive the ABC Distributing Catalog and it too has Christmas decorations which have given me a little inspiration.

Last year we had an ugly sweater party and everyone made an ugly sweater. it was so much fun! I had gotten some foam stickers from Michaels, took some all-craft glue to reinforce the stickers and went to town on my sweater. As also during Christmas season I usually come down with some horrible cold and of course the weekend of our party was when I was feeling awful! I was pale and pastey and my nose was red like Rudolph.

I even made an ugly sweater for my fur baby Charlie! He wasn't thrilled about it so it lasted about as long as the photo shoot did.

So after seeing the catalogs and thinking about my last year craft projects (other than the ugly sweaters) I got to thinking about what I want to do this year. Since I am on a tight budget and I can be pretty crafty I stole an idea from the ABC Catalog.

To be fair these are solar ornaments that catch the sun during the day and glow during the night. As awesome as this is I thought hey! I can do that! So I have been collecting ideas online of things I want to attempt to do myself.





+OPK

We got a positive OPK this morning! Praying so hard that this is the month that we get pregnant and stay pregnant.  These two verses have been getting me through:

Isaiah 55
8“ My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Proverbs 1
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

I am trying my hardest to have faith and ride the emotional disappointment rollercoaster with the knowledge that there is a bigger plan that I can not see and may not understand and lean on God to get me through these confusing times.

Ta-ta Facebook!

It's official. My hatred of facebook has grown exponentially over the last few weeks and today I deactivated my account. Looking back I created my facebook account to connect with my cousins in Kansas who were ripped from our home 6 years ago. Ironically it was one of my Kansas cousins who put me over the edge and helped me make my final decision to close the facebook chapter of my life.

My cousin, who just turned 18 a few days ago, just announced on facebook that she is pregnant with her 2nd child. Oh yes, #2 and she just turned 18. She had her daughter at 16 while still in high school and then quickly dropped out of school. I am so sad to see her life turn out like this and repeat so many of her father's mistakes. Every child is a blessing from God. I hope she takes those sweet lives and helps make them into beautiful, wonderful people in this crazy world.

With wanting a child of our own so badly and seeing so many pregnancy announcements, sonogram photos and "my baby is the size of a small fruit" posts put me over the edge.

Good bye facebook. I will not miss you.

Sonogram Results

So I had my pelvic sonogram yesterday and my DH came with me to the appointment. The tech was friendly and even told us what we were looking at. Uterus, ovaries, a big blob of black and grey on a screen.

Oh yes... this is what they did to me... oh the joys of modern technology!

This morning I got my lab results and the Dr. said that everything looks normal which is great but what my scans shows are not consistent with PCOS.... So good news my pipes are in working order however, if it is not PCOS what the heck is wrong with me? Well, if I do not get a + pregnancy test this month (praying that Clomid worked this round) then we will have to do further blood work to see why I am insulin resistant and have elevated testosterone levels.

So I feel kind of like I am back at square one. I know what I do not have but what do I have? The perk to possibly being inaccurately diagnosed with PCOS is that I was put on Metformin and for the last 2 months I have had 30 day cycles and even though the few before that were a bit irregular they were heading in the right direction.

This is going to be a good month. DH got a promotion and small raise, I got a bonus, and things are sort of starting to look up for us. This is a great month for making a baby. Baby dancing? Yes please.

These Crazy Pills

These pills are making me crazy. Two days ago I had the biggest hot flash of my life. I already feel sorry for myself since it was a premonition of what my future holds when I am old and menopausal. Not only do I have hot flashes but the pills also have a side effect of mood swings. What a bonus. As understanding as my husband is about the whole process it is still difficult not to get into spats over nothing which can escalate into fights over nothing.

Feeling sorry for myself today. Why can't a woman who wants a child so desperately have such a hard time to conceive when ignorant women who have no interest have no trouble at all. My mom was right... life just isn't fair.

Horrah!

Husband got a promotion and a raise! So proud of him. I kept telling him that his honesty and hard work would eventually be recognized and that it would pay off!

So proud of my baby!

Clomid Round #2

Went to the OB yesterday for my Clomid check and "everything looks good" so I started my second round of Clomid last night. I am hopeful this is the time that it works. I mean really, why do people do can not care for babies, who do not want babies, and people who definitely should not have babies just have an oppsie pregnancy but my journey is so technical, all about timing, peeing in cups, and scientific? We are definitely not having a love child.

Now that we had one unsuccessful round of Clomid I was also given an order to get a pelvic ultrasound. Oh yay for me. I made the appt on a Monday so Troy could go with me. Last time I had one of these done it was when I was experiencing my first M/C and my mom had gone with me. I want to make him part of every step of this process if possible. And the doctor also gave me the direction to contact my PCP and have Troy get checked out too - just to be on the safe side. He isn't jumping for joy about the experience but I am sure glad I am not going to be the only one being poked at by strange doctors.

My doctor told me that he wanted to keep me at 50mg of Clomid for this cycle because Clomid, as a side effect, can cause the uterus to become hostile and harm the chances of conceiving. Seriously?! So I am taking this thing to ovulate but might prevent conception? Oh boy. So I heard about a lubricant called Pre-Seed which is supposed to be fertility friendly for women trying to conceive. Has anyone used it before? Is it worth the hype or just a selling gimmick? Thank you Amazon! I will be ordering you today and trying you out myself!

Sex In The City

Do friends like the characters in Sex In The City really exist? Through thick and thin, can talk about anything, there no matter what? The conversations that they have are incredibly personal and they cheer through the good times and cry with each other in the bad times.

Doing life together...

What got me thinking about this was the movie The Help. Troy and I saw it last night and it was such a good movie. It was touching, humbling, and in parts hilarious! It is incredible to think that those times actually existed and that those people were really treated like property. My train of thinking started with the most hilarious scene in The Help, which I will not ruin, but has to do with poop. And then from poop I was thinking about the Sex in the City movie when Charlotte shit herself in Mexico. Super weird train of thought but that is how I got to close relationships.

I am really only close with my husband, my oldest little sister and maybe my God-sister. I do not have a group of friends that gather just to do lunch and catch up and do life together. So much of the time I really feel alone in my battles and celebrations with the exception of my husband.

I am envious of groups of girls that do everything together. I used to have a core group of friends in high school but after graduation I just let those relationships slip away. We went to different colleges, I got a full time job, and I didn’t put forth the effort necessary to keep strong relationships. Some of this has to do with the fact that I immediately moved in with my boyfriend, who is now my husband, and my time was split between work, school and my BF. Any extra time, and lets face it - there wasn’t much, was devoted to the few friends I still had.



Yard Sale on Saturday



The summer of 2005 changed my life. My God-sister was pregnant with Vincent and I spent all of my time with her. Troy and I were on the outs and I spent every day and night with her. I was her Lamaze partner, her confidant, and her right hand to help her take care of her 2 step children and her loser boyfriend. I had independence, time, and motivation to be a good friend. I spent a good amount of time with her friends, much of them who I did not like, except for one. We kind of became a family unit. I think that was the closest thing I got to Sex In The City status, except there were boys in my group. Her friendship means the world to me and then she honored me as becoming her son Vincent’s God-mother. I planned her baby shower, went baby supply shopping, helped set up the nursery, and was there to hold her hand every step of the way. I was there when Vincent was born and I have been there through his entire life as he has grown up. He will be 6 on Sept. 14th. I can’t believe how big he is.



On our way to get breakfast!

Amy was the person I called when my SIL announced on Mother’s Day that she was pregnant with her 3rd. I held the phone and cried. She listened and encouraged me. I wept and she just listened. Don’t get me wrong, I was so happy for my SIL and for our family to grow but so deeply sad as I had already had 1 m/c and was still so disappointed with this. The pain was still very fresh. Unfortunately she lost the baby. The point is, Amy was just there. I didn’t have to act strong. I was just myself. Disappointed and discouraged. She will never know how much that means to me.

Do you have friendships that are deeply rooted? Can you call them at any time of the day or night just to talk or to hear that everything is going to be alright? Do you have someone to celebrate with, reflect with, and bitch about your husband to? Are you truly yourself around these people with no façade to emit what you think people expect of you? Authentically yourself? I may not have a whole group of ladies but I do have my sister and Amy. Thank you God for these girls in my life.

Scrapbooking Day

April 2006

Today I only got a few pages done but the experience was totally fun! The PHC Ladies set up a Scrap-a-thon day at the store Once Upon A Memory in Huntington Beach. It was so fun! You just bring your photos and whatever supplies and tools you have and you get to use their scrap room. Don't have the right paper... no problem! Walk out into the store and grab it and add it to your tab. Darn... ran out of glue runner... no problem! Run out into the store and add it to your tab!

The way I keep myself organized is through a filing system. I have a file folder for each month of the year and that is where I dump all of my memorabilia (ticket stubs, room keys, airline tickets, etc.) but I don't print the photos I want to scrap with them until I am to that part of the year.

So today I ran out of photos that I had already printed but I did get 8 pages done, although it took me 7 hours. I did a lot of meandering through the store for ideas, inspiration, and to take note for the future pages I would be doing. We grabbed Jack-In-The-Box for lunch and chatted while scrapping. It was bliss. It just reminds me that I need to get the rest of my scrap crap room set up and invite my bestie over to get down and do some pages.

At a certain point you just want to get the dang things in an album so you can catch up and move on. So many people are doing only digital books these days with the ease of Shutterfly and Kodak Gallery but to me you just lose something without the ability to attach ticket stubs and fun other collectables along the way. One blogger I stalk creates a digital book for each of her kids each year of their lives. Super cute idea, except I am hoping to do that for my kids with actual scrapbooks.

I re-created by God-son's book, spruced up some of the old pages, replaced the actual book and started to work on his book again. He is going to turn 6 in September and he is only about 6 months in his book. I gotta get those pics printed!!

Welcome To The Party AF

It's finally here. On the positive side it was a 30 day cycle. Probably the most regular cycle I have had in years and I ovulated on time this month. My body responded well to the meds! On the not so positive side... another BFN.

Calling to the doctor this morning to schedule my next Clomid check and on to another cycle. Five left before we have to consider other options.

It is all in God's hands. I am reminded daily to pray for guidance, acceptance, understanding and to keep disappointment and vengeance out of my heart. Timing is everything, right?

Thanks again PCOS!

Last night my little family, my hubby and fur child and I, went for a nice walk around the bluffs.

It was nice to get the blood flowing and get some fresh air. Troy and I have been obsessed with Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. We have at least 15 episodes recorded on our DVR at all times and the moment we sit down to relax until we are ready to get to bed we have been glued to SVU. So last night we peeled ourselves off the couch and went for a walk.

Also in my defense, I will be starting the Fall Semester in less than 3 weeks so I am getting as much lazy time in as I can. This semester I am taking a pretty full load. I just can’t wait to get my AA degree and Paralegal Certificate to start a new chapter in my life - whether that be just a new career or a new career and transfer to a university to begin working on a BA degree. So many decisions and I am hoping that by the time I get to make the decision I will have one more factor to consider… pitter patter of 2 new feet in our family. I can only hope.

 

Since one of my co-workers has been pursuing her new passion for photography I have been frequenting blogs and etsy.com to get inspiration for some family photos that she is going to take for us and my BIL's family. Of couse that quickly turned into maternity photo shoot props and inspiration and I probably looked at other pregnant ladies pictures for more than an hour last night.

 

So here are some of my favorite props and belly photos:

 

 

http://www.etsy.com/listing/79393567/fun-and-unique-belly-bump-pregnancy?ref=v1_other_1

http://www.etsy.com/listing/77764150/belly-bow-maternity-photo-prop

One day I will have my own maternity shoot... No thanks to AF by the way. Still hasn't arrived (supposed to arrive today) and the pregnancy test I took last night still said negative. Thanks body for getting my hopes up and still not working the way you should.

Oh Facebook, How I Hate Thee

I love my friends. I love my family. I love the blessings in life and I love celebrating with others. I hate Facebook.

I hate feeling sorry for myself and then further torture myself by Facebook stalking only to find out another high school friend just _______ fill in the blank... found she was pregnant, bought a house/house hunting, got a new dog, just got married, inherited major cash, went on a European vacation, etc.  Oh why oh why do I do this to myself? I am so stupid.

Also, I do not care what you had to eat for lunch, that you are now off work after a long day, that you are having morning sickness, the stresses of your house remodel, the misery from recovering from a 2 week vacation, or about your big toe which is now twitching.

Oh Facebook, how I hate thee.

PS - Congrats to my friend Celia who gave birth to her daughter Brooke yesterday all natural! She labored at home until 8 cm with her doula, then went to the hospital and with 3 hours of pushing, pushed out a 9 lb baby with no meds (not even an IV). She is doing the all natural this time around... cloth diapers, glass bottles... the whole 9 yards!

Just Got A Feeling of a BFN

I just got a feeling... I am not sure if it is because my hope feels totally and completely drained at the moment or if its just something in the air. I kept convincing myself that this wasn't as big of an emotional rollercoaster that it could be and that this process isn't that bad but reality it is exactly that bad! Just when I think I am doing ok some pregnant lady will walk by or I go on the dreaded Facebook and hear about some new great announcement in some else's life and then I go on a dip on the roller coaster.

So AF is supposed to arrive on 8/10 if I had a "normal" cycle but we all know there is nothing "normal" about my reproductive system. So I took a pregnancy test this morning since the EPTs claim to detect HCG levels up to 6 days prior to your expected and not to my surprise it was a BFN. So, in short I just have a feeling. Of course I will definitely test again on 8/10 and if AF still hasn't arrived I will try every day until AF arrives... thanks to Amazon and cheap pregnancy test strips!!

Going To The Home Land

It is official! Purchased the tickets for the Oct. 31st Chiefs v. Chargers game in Kansas City, Mo.  I am so excited for this trip! We are staying longer than 2 days like our typical turn around trips. We are flying on Saturday morning and not coming home until Tuesday. I have been Google'ing and researching all the things I want to do and see while we are there.

I definately want to go to a real pumpkin patch. Since we are going to be out of town for halloween we have to celebrate it there. I can't wait for a traditional hay ride, although I heard they are extremely uncomfortable and a better idea than actuality. I got some brochures on different farms and am so excited to go pick a pumpkin and go through the corn maze!

Kansas City is also the city of fountains so I think we are going to do a walking tour of parts of the city to see all the different kinds of fountians.

We are also going to go to a tour of a hometown brewery, tour the Harley Davidson factory, and hopefully take a tour of the Arrowhead Stadium on a non-game day. We are so excited for this vacation. This will be our first real vacation since our honeymoon. We are calling this our anniversary trip.

I am excited to be out there and be able to go into a Wal-mart or Target an actually buy Chiefs gear. Living in California makes it difficult to get anything and usually have to resort in buying over the internet. This typically isn't such a bad thing unless you want to try something on! We are definately going to get our annual Christmas ornament while we are in KC as well.

The countdown begins! 87 days until we depart!!

Watching The Clock...

I feel like that is all I do these days... I watch the clock at work waiting for the time to go home. I watch the clock at night when I toss and turn all night, hoping I don't sleep through my alarm and am late for work. Watching the clock and doing the countdown to get my degree and finish school. Watching my biological clock since this conception process is taking way longer than expected.

And the worst wait of all... the time between periods when you are dying to take a pregnancy test to see if your efforts paid off but instead you just wait and count the days!

Quick Update - POSITIVE!

So this morning I got my first actual positive OPK!! Now we have to BD a lot and hope for the best. Pregnancy test to be taken around August 10th.... the waiting kills me!!

Peeing in Mini Cups

This morning I got my first almost positive OPK so I think we are on the right track. For the last 9 days I have been only getting the one test line to appear. This morning the ovulation line started to barely show. It isn't darker than the test line so I know I am not ovulating but I think my body is responding well to the Clomid. Hopefully if timed right we will have a BFP HPT by the end of this month!

Daily Thoughts of Someone Suffering from IF

I saw an awesome video made by a fellow IF sufferer whose blog I stumbled upon...

http://vimeo.com/keikozoll/whatif

LOVED IT!

CD 9 - Last Clomid Day

So I have taken my last pill for this first cycle of Clomid and I keep thinking to myself... am I supposed to feel something? I thought I had a hot flash a while back but was probably all in my head and most definitely due to the temperature outside. So as I sit here I am pondering what I am exactly, if anything, supposed to feel. I haven't experienced any real symptoms: no blurry vision, mood swings out of normal, dizziness or hot flashes. So how do I know this stuff is working?

Also, peeing in a cup daily to insert little OPK sticks is definitely not my idea of fun either. I was told to do it daily through this entire cycle to track for next cycle if this one isn't successful. So here I find myself daily straddling the toilet aiming to get pee in this mini cup that comes with the cup... again not my idea of fun but totally worth it if this stuff is going to work!

Now that I have taken the last dose its time to wait, which of course is the hardest part! Hopefully between the Met and the Clomid my cycles will "normal" and I won't have to wait even longer to start the next cycle of IF meds.

Is this a heat wave....

or a hot flash? Ok, I don't know if it is all in my head because I am taking new medication or if there really is a heat wave. It is 8:30 at night and I am still sitting in my living room sweating. Ugh. I love summer and I will miss it when fall gets here but I can't wait for it to cool down!

First Cycle CD5

Today is the first day of taking Clomid for my first cycle. I am a little nervous about the possible side effects as most people have said that they have hot flashes and mood swings - both which I am not looking forward to.

Yesterday I took my Met and PN in the morning and when I went to Michaels with my mom I got extremely light headed and nearly passed out. I felt so nauseous so we walked over to Subway and got some water and a bag of chips. I felt fine after that. This is just a reminder of how important it is to stay hydrated with these meds. So today I have had 2 glasses of water and I will continue to drink water all day so that won't happen again!

To Fix or Not to Fix...

The last week has been torture. Dealing with cars is so not fun. In fact, I hate it. I see more and more of my Mom coming out in me as I get older. The stress has been killing me, I am not sleeping well, and generally just exhausted so what better way to forget your worries and cure the symptoms but to just sleep, which is exactly what my mom would do!

DH's truck needs some pretty expensive repairs and we were faced with the decision to fix or sell and buy something else. And boy what an emotional ride that has been! Fixing a truck that could potentially have more future expensive repairs is frightening but the thought of another car payment after adjusting to just one was even more frightening in our tight budget.

After cruising through car lots, searching Craigslist, and getting some parental guidance and advice it has been determined that we are going to fix the truck. DH loves it, we can't afford another car payment comfortably, and all in all the risk of a possible future breakdown is less than the definite car payment monthly for many years to come.

Buy a "new" used car initially seemed so much easier in the perfect world but after the hard work of crunching numbers it is just not worth it at this point. So we will fix DH's truck and hope that this will be the only big repair for long time allowing us to continue to have no car payment and a few more years of saving.

So basically I have been an emotional basket case and to top it off it was one of my co-worker's last day of work and I was so sad to say good bye. I will truly miss working with him!

Clomid

Great news! I went in for my Clomid check yesterday and the NP said I was all good to start taking Clomid. BTW the check was highly uncomfortable and bordering embarassing as you have to be checked on the first day of your menstral cycle - YUCK! Well she felt around, made sure I had no large cysts or clumps of follicles in my ovaries and got the ok. Picking up my prescription today and start taking the Clomid on CD 5-9. I am terrible at taking pills consistantly so I am putting reminders in my phone to make sure I take them exactly when I am supposed to.

I have to be a OPK and start testing to track when and if I ovulate so that if I do not get pregnant during this cycle, the next cycle of meds can be better targeted around my natural ovulation date.

Really excited, a bit worried, but so ready to get the process started. Clomid does increase risk of multiples by 10% for twins... and I have been having lots of dreams of having twins so maybe it is a sign. Either way I would love to just have 1 baby to hold and love. No need to get ahead of ourselves here.

And added bonus - Insurance covers the medication 100% so it is free! That is the way to start out on fertility treatments.

It Is Here!!!

I did not get a package in the mail or a new car... I got AF!

I have never been so excited to get AF in all of my life. Quick call to the Dr's office and I have an appointment this afternoon. Hopefully we are on our way to our new treatment plan, if my ovaries check out.

Unfortunately I am in pain and my stomach and back have terrible cramps. I will take them though if this is on our path to parenthood though!

Insensitivity To My Sensitivity

This past year has been an extremely difficult one for me and it has continued from the year I got married. Financially tight, emotionally drained, physical illness... the works. I think one of the hardest things to deal with though is people's insensitivity to my sensitivity. Some I think are clueless as to what they say and how they may affect people and other I think just don't care.

My husband and I have suffered through unemployment, where we nearly lost everything and was forced to move back to our parents, through miscarriage, where my emotional world and my physical world started to crumble, and just plain family drama turmoil. I don't have many close friends and I keep most people at a distance to keep from getting hurt but what struck me this past week is some of the closest people to me have been incredible insensitive to my sensitive situation.

I am not saying that everyone in my life has intentionally hurt me but intentional or not I have a lot of hurt and resentment that I have been unknowingly carrying around. When I lost my first pregnancy I felt like I was on "suicide watch"... not literally but everyone was watching me waiting for me to have an emotional outburst at any moment. I got comments like "You are still young, it will happen" or "there must have been a reason and the baby was not well" or "you can just keep trying. Now we know at least that you can get pregnant". Although they may find these comforting they are definitely not. Many didn't want to address my current hurt and pain but wanted me to look only at the future. I was in the trenches and they were already telling me to look on the horizon.

Family has asked when I am going to start a family saying things like hurry already because they can't wait to be an aunt, uncle, grandparent, cousin or whatever. Thank you for your support but we have been trying and we have lost two pregnancies. I have bled and cried so much in the last 4 months that my overwhelming guilt and pain can not be shared with you in this short "pep" talk conversation but thanks for telling me that you want a baby for me.

We are financially strained. My husband had a great job, got laid off, now has a crappy job. Sounds like most people's story these days and I am no different. So excuse me if I am less than happy to hear about your anniversary trip to Chicago, about your house remodel, your new house or house hunting,  or your new car you are going to purchase. I truly am trying to be happy for you and be a supportive friend but in the back of my mind all I am thinking about is how I am going to feed myself and when my next pay check is going to hit the bank so I can buy gas for my car.

Work is an especially sensitive subject. Love my job, hate my pay. Interview? Hate it. New insurance in the midst of my medical issues, daunting. About to get 3 weeks vacation, start over on the bottom of the totem pole? Start a new job, hopefully go on maternity leave quickly after new hire? So many unknown, so many questions, and some many people's opinion on the matter.

I don't want people to walk around on eggshells around me and deep down I want to be a good supportive friend. I would love for the bitterness and anger to leave but I am going through a very rough time right now. Sensitivity to my situation and maybe a little finesse in my conversations with you would be so appreciated.

Taco Salad

Last night Troy and I were not up for cooking at all but the idea of facing a fast food anything was daunting and made me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. We had ground turkey meat thawed so we need to use it and some lettuce that was going to go south pretty soon if not used. So I thought to make taco salad! Here was what was in it:

1 lb ground turkey
1 head of lettuce
1 can of kidney beans
salsa
shredded cheese
sour cream

Troy grilled up the turkey and seasoned it with all seasoning salt, threw it on top of a bed of lettuce, added heated kidney beans, cold salsa, cheese and sour cream. It was delicious and I didn't even add any dressing on it! The toppings were perfect! I would have liked Avocado on top as well but didn't have any of that on hand.

I have been reading so many blogs lately from other people who suffer from some kind of infertility or fertility problems and I am feeling relief. I am following this one blog who had a different kind of infertility as mine and paid over $100,00 before she conceived her twins. Then she tried to get pregnant again with the rest of her frozen eggs and conceived one baby that sadly miscarried. A few months later after giving up and being satisfied with their twin boy and girl... they got pregnant  by themselves with another set of twins! Boys! I couldn't believe it. She has funny antics about being infertile, life with 2 sets of twins, and being married and dealing with health issues. Although it is reassuring that it will happen for me too it is scary to think that it cost her $100,000, money which I do not have the luxury of spending on IVF. But alas, there is hope.

I am also hoping that I am PMS'ing right now. This may sound strange but I have had the most terrible mood swings and if looks could kill Troy would have been dead three days ago. Mood swings, anger, and emotional outbursts of anger and tears for really no great reason. "Troy, you left the light on in the kitchen! How could you do this? You know this costs money, which we don't have. You want to see the electricity bill? Do you ever listen to me?!".... seriously... over turning off the light. I am also hoping to be PMS'ing so I can have a period and start my treatment plan. Patience is the hardest thing to have.

Gourmet Breakfast Cooking

About 90% of the time I skip breakfast both during the week and on the weekend. So since I am trying to focus on my health, save money, and cook at home I decided to try a breakfast dish. I kind of feel like Julia from the Julia and Julia movie posting all about the recipes I am trying. So when I headed to the kitchen this fabuulous 4th of July holiday and started creating this new dish of Baked Chile Rellano Eggs I realized that I don't have any flour. Now, most would laugh at this but seriously people... who uses flour? Want to bake a cake? Buy a pre-made box! So I made it omitting the 1 TB of flour so we will see how it turns out. Anyways, here it goes...

Baked Chile Rellano Eggs

2 - 4oz cans whole green chiles

2 cups granted Monterey Jack cheese

6 eggs

1 TB flour

2 cups milk

1/8 tsp chili power

1 1/2 TB butter

1. Preheart the oven to 325 degrees. Lightly butter baking dish.

2. Slit each chile down one side and file loosley with grated cheese, using one cup cheese for all the chiles. Lay filled chiles in a lightly buttered baking dish.

Stuffed chiles

 3. In a separate bowl, beat eggs and flour. Str in milk and chili powder. Fold in the remaining cheese.

4. Pour egg mixture over chiles. Bake for 45 minutes to 1 hour, until top is bubbly and a knife insured near center comes out clean.

Egg dish before cooking in the oven

Glycemic index/load: low 2

Calories: 282

Protein: 18 grams

Carbs: 5 grams

Fat: 21 grams

Tip: to make it lower fat, use low-fat cheese, 2 percent milk, and substitute olive oil for butter, and 3 eggs and 5 egg whites for the six eggs. Results: 218 calories